Q: I’m 64 years young, a musician, chubby, full head of hair, no Viagra needed, no alcohol, I don’t mind if you drink, smoker, yes I am. I am also faithful, loyal, and single for five years. No health issues, nada, zero, zilch. Not gay, not prejudiced against gays, pro-woman, Democrat, MASCULINE. Except I only like the younger women and women without tattoos. And I like them FEMININE. Ladies my age are a shopping bag of issues with children and ex-hubbies. NO THANK YOU. So what’s my problem? Young women see me as an old gizzard. I am not ugly, and I look younger than 64. But I see what younger women go for. These girls are missing out on me because they would rather be abused, cheated on, and kicked around by some young prince. Be my guest, dear! Another problem is that I don’t go to bars or really go out at all, so how the hell am I going to meet a girl? But I long for a girl I can cherish. I’m even willing to marry the right girl if she wishes, no problema. Who cares about age? I sure don’t, but they sure do. Of course, I will die first; she can keep the car and everything else for that matter. I can’t take it with me. So I have about 24 more years of life and I don’t want to wait. Dreaming is free, of course, but I want it right here, right now. Am I asking for too much? —Oblivious Ladies Disregard Elder Romeo
If I may be blunt(er): You’re an older man, you’re a smoker, you’re out of shape, you don’t leave the house much, and, most fatally of all, you harbor resentment for the objects of your desire (“Be my guest, dear!”), something objects of desire always pick up on. Not even the prospect of inheriting a used car 24 years from now is going to land you a young woman.
A: Don’t suppose you’d be interested in a 64-year-old who doesn’t leave the house much and feels entitled to a child- and tattoo-free twentysomething but might be willing to settle? There could be used car in it for you. No?
