So, have you been seeing anyone?” Abigail asked as we sat around a campfire in my parents’ backyard last September. She was a lifelong friend and we hadn’t seen each other in a while, so it wasn’t an unlikely subject. But coming just a day after my last chemotherapy session, the question might as well have been whether I’d gone to the moon lately.
That was the pattern that continued with any eligible bachelor familiar with my disease. If he wasn’t given an untimely look at my body, he was taking an X-ray of my pelvis or cleaning up my vomit in a hospital room. As for male patients, let’s just say the only ones I encountered probably saw the Beatles live on Ed Sullivan.
While registering I couldn’t help but think of the line comedian Tig Notaro, herself a breast cancer survivor, suggested for the online dating profiles of the recently diagnosed: “Serious inquiries only.” I wasn’t sure how much to say about my cancer, how much to let it define me. Should I just put “cancer patient” in my bio and be up front about it? Could that attract weirdos with a fetish for physically ill girls? On the flip side, would I find anyone out there able to look past my cancer to see that I am smart, funny, and completely dateable? I decided to go with my typical descriptors (“whiskey drinker and David Bowie lover”), and pulled in a mix of photos from before and after I was sick to show off my flowing locks (before) and my extreme weight loss (after). Then, doped up on a bunch of meds and suffering from an extreme lack of personal connection with anyone beyond members of the medical profession, I started swiping.
If I learned anything while battling a life-threatening illness, it’s that I’m not so bad at being on my own. In fact, it’s kind of great for me. I used to feel weak and seek validation from men, but after single-handedly beating cancer and going through so much of it alone, I realized how strong I am. I’m better than just a swipe to the left or the right. So here I am today, cancer free, devastatingly single, and happy to be so—at least for now.
