QYou often mention asexual people. I believe I may be one. I’m a 51-year-old woman. I’ve been separated from my opposite-sex partner for nearly nine years. I’ve been approached by a variety of men, each one interested in becoming “more than friends.” I haunt Craigslist’s “platonic m4w” section, but each time I reach out to someone, he turns out to want a FWB or NSA relationship. It’s frustrating! That part of my life—the sex part—is really and truly over! I had many sex partners for many years, I had a good run, and now I’m done. When I find someone attractive, I admire them in a nonsexual way. But I do masturbate. Not often. I can go two or three weeks without needing (or thinking about) release. When I do masturbate, it’s more of a “stretching activity” than a passionate requirement. Do true asexuals masturbate? Am I correct in identifying as asexual instead of heterosexual? Or am I a straight person who has simply retired from the field? —No Need for Sex
“If you’re not drawn to be sexual with anyone, then you have a lot in common with a lot of people in the asexual community,” said Jay. “That being said, there’s no such thing as a ‘true’ asexual. If the word seems useful, use it. At the end of the day, what matters is how well we understand ourselves, not how well we match some Platonic ideal of our sexual orientation, and words like ‘asexual’ are just tools to help us understand ourselves.”
QThere’s this guy I stopped dating a few months ago, but we’ve remained friends. When we were still dating, he once wore a thong when we were having sex. He called it his “sexy underwear.” He said he wore it only if he really liked a woman. He also told me he tried using a vibrator and fingers in his ass and really enjoyed it. I wasn’t bothered, but I am curious to know if straight guys really wear thongs and enjoy having their asses played with. Could he be a gay? —What’s He Attracted to?
ACOME is referring to my advice a couple of weeks back for Come as You Are, a man whose wife had to lean back, close her eyes, and rub her clit in order to come. I advised CAYA to ask his wife what she was thinking about when she did that—what scenario she was fantasizing about—and not to panic if she wasn’t thinking about him.
