Q: There’s this boy—he’s 29; I’m 46 and female. We met when we were 23 and 41. I was not and am not into little boys. The Kid chased me, and I turned him down for months—until I got drunk one night and caved. It was supposed to be a one-night stand, but it isn’t anymore. We’ve never been “together,” because the Kid wants kids and happily ever after and all that horseshit, and I don’t (and I’m too old even if I did). The Kid has been in several relationships over the years, looking for the One, and I genuinely hope he finds her. In my wildest dreams, I’m invited to their wedding and their children call me auntie. But in the meantime, the Kid runs to me when he hits a hiccup in a relationship, and I let him—meaning, he gets mad at her and fucks me madly. Afterward, I get him to talk about it—he tells me what happened, and I always try to advise him how to make it better, how to make it work. But so far it hasn’t, and we’re “us” again until he meets another girl. I do love this Kid, for what it’s worth. But I’m afraid I’m ruining his chances. I’m afraid that by being an escape hatch, I’m giving him a reason not to work on these relationships and he will never find the kids/forever thing he’s looking for. Should I let him go for his own sake? If I tell him honestly why, he won’t accept it, so I’d have to just vanish. I’d hate that. It would be worth it if I knew he met someone and got to live happily ever after. But I’d spend my life feeling bad for disappearing on him, and I’d always wonder if the Kid wound up alone. —Don’t Call Me Cougar
Fucking someone who has a girlfriend—especially someone who has a girlfriend he’s supposed to be with exclusively—doesn’t exactly telegraph “I think you two should work it out.” So going forward, maybe you should offer the Kid your advice when he’s seeing someone, fuck the shit out of him when he’s single, and don’t waste too much time worrying about whether fucking you incentivizes being single. Because single/you may be what he wants right now.
Q: I despised your advice to LIBIDOS, the poly married woman you counseled to have sex with her husband even though she has zero desire to do so. You came close to telling her to throw away her consent. Somewhere between a third and a half of women have been sexually assaulted. Would it be possible for most of them to suck it up and sleep with someone they had no desire for without ending up resenting or hating that person? Even if LIBIDOS won life’s coin toss on sexual assault, she would most likely come to resent her husband if she had passionless sex with him. From the husband’s perspective—assuming he’s not a piece of shit who thinks he’s entitled to sex but rather just wants a sexual connection with his wife—wouldn’t being lied to in this way ruin him? I also don’t think you would’ve given this advice to a gay man—to let his husband fuck him the ass, even if he didn’t want to get fucked. The truth is really the only solution here. The road you set this woman down leads only to bitterness and divorce. —Seriously Horrified About That
