Q: I’m a middle-aged man dating a younger guy. He wanted to be a “boy” to a Dom top daddy, and I was happy to oblige. The sex is amazing, and we click as people, too. Then a couple days ago, he told me he wanted to explore small penis humiliation (SPH). I was taken aback—not by the request, but because his penis is NOT small! It’s not huge, but it’s at least average. And it’s thick! I’m not super hung, so it’s not that he seems small in comparison—I have maybe an inch on him. When I pointed this out, he claimed I was just trying to make him feel better about his small size! He said I was patronizing him. He ended the conversation by saying he would drop it, since it was obviously making me uncomfortable. Honestly, I am uncomfortable with it. I just can’t imagine bringing myself to go on about how small his dick is when I’m actually thinking how much that thing would hurt if he were to top me. But my bigger concern is that doing SPH might feed into possible body dysmorphia. The way he reacted to being told his penis wasn’t small was a red flag—it told me this isn’t just a fantasy. It’s not that he wants to be made to FEEL it’s small; he really believes it is small. How is this different from telling a skinny boyfriend what a big fat pig he is? I really like this guy, and I think this could go somewhere. I want to be GGG, but not at the cost of his mental health. —Need Objectivity, Savage, Please Help!
Now, if he had a history of bulimia, telling him he’s a “big fat pig” could be harmful; likewise, if he had a history of bigorexia, telling him he’s a “skinny little shit” could be harmful. Your boyfriend may have a distorted idea about average dick size—most likely distorted by porn—but odds are good he’s one of millions of people out there who have eroticized their anxieties and insecurities. So long as he isn’t contemplating some dangerous or stupid way to make his cock bigger (like getting liquid silicone injected into his genitals, something that led to the death of a gay man in Seattle last year), you can engage in SPH without doing him harm.
A: Maybe you need to chill the fuck out, TUMULT.
