Q: I’m a 27-year-old, feminist, conventionally attractive, straightish, GGG woman. Over time, my tastes have changed, and now I find myself more of a kinkster. A few years ago, my desire for kinkier sex and my willingness to take a chance came together in a mutually beneficial, exciting D/s relationship. I’ll be honest: I wasn’t as smart as I could have been. I met this guy on Tinder, and after verifying his identity, I told some friends where I’d be and I met up with him. He was great for a while, but a big move took me away from the area and I grew tired of his conventional gender ideals. I assumed I would find another partner in the future as functionally great as him but maybe a better conversationalist. Fast-forward to today. I’ve dabbled with pain and submission play with a few boyfriends with no great success. (A subsequent partner who didn’t respect my safe word, in fact, assaulted me.) I’m now greatly discouraged in my search. The cycle always goes like this: I get horny and want kink, I go looking for it online, and I am then buried in a landslide of creepiness, typos, and aggression. There are just so many men out there who hate women. These men are more interested in condescending to me and bossing me around than they are in power exchange. It was recommended to me to join the local center for sex positivity in Seattle, but that costs money. I want to engage in kink to relieve stress, not to cut into my already tight budget. Are my only options perseverance or an extra grand lying around? —Perseverance Or Withdrawal, Eternal Regrets
In 2003, the US Supreme Court ruled that Americans have a constitutional right to get their asses fucked, and one day soon we could be asking the Supreme Court whether Americans have a constitutional right to get their asses spanked.
But you’re right to ding me for failing to advise Mr. and Mrs. THINK to agree on a safe word. And I didn’t just leave “get a safe word” out of my response, SAFEWORD. It was worse than that: I deleted “get a safe word” from my response. There were two very similar paragraphs in the original draft of my response to THINK, both on the mechanics of making it happen, and I had to delete one paragraph for space. In an unbelievably stupid move, I deleted the one with “get a safe word” in it. I should’ve caught that, I didn’t, and I’m grateful to SAFEWORD and everyone else who did.
