QI’m a 35-year-old divorced man. I’ve been on plenty of dates since my marriage ended, but I invariably get asked this question on or before date number two: “Why did you get divorced?” This is where everything goes to shit. I’m honest: “We got divorced because I cheated on my wife. A lot.” This usually catches my date off guard because I “don’t seem like that kind of guy.” But then I can hardly get past it, because this information is “too much to handle.” Sometimes my dates will admit to having cheated too. Not even other cheaters are interested in seeing me again. I was a good husband and father for seven years. But after four sexless years of marriage, I strayed. Crying myself to sleep every night took its toll, and I self-medicated with casual sex with attractive women. Two years and 20 women later, I got caught. I don’t hide the facts; I own my mistakes. I’ve grown and learned from my mistakes. But it’s hard for most women to see past “cheater.” In my mind, anything less than complete honesty would validate the belief that I’m still a lying cheat. But complete honesty is kicking my ass and ruining potential relationships. —Forthright About Cheating, Then Silence

“I cheated! A lot! With 20 beautiful women!” is one telling of the truth, FACTS, but it’s not the most flattering telling of the truth (for you) or the most comforting telling of the truth (for your date). Instead of saying, “I cheated with 20 women, all of them babes. I banged the living shit out of each and every one of them!,” which makes you sound more boastful than remorseful, try saying something like this: “After four sexless years of marriage, I strayed. It was the wrong thing to do, but I was desperate. The cheating ended my marriage, which obviously needed to end, but it’s not something I ever want to do again.” Omit the detail about the number of women you cheated with while emphasizing your determination to avoid making the same mistake in your next committed relationship. Tell your date that you are looking for a strong sexual connection (and other things) with someone you can communicate with about sex (and other things). Because you’re not a cheater—not anymore.

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