Q: I’m a 38-year-old lesbian, very femme, very out. I have a coworker I can’t figure out. We’ve worked together for a year and gotten very close. I never want to put out the wrong signals to coworkers, and I err on the side of keeping a safe but friendly distance. This is different. We are each other’s confidants at work. We stare at each other across the office, we text until late at night, and we go for weekend dog walks. Her texts aren’t overtly flirty, but they are intimate and feel more than friendly. I’ve never had a “straight” girl act like this toward me. Is she into me? Or just needy? Is it all in my head? —Workplace Obsession Roiling Knowing-If-Nervous Gal
Q: I’m a lesbian, and my partner recently reconnected with a childhood friend. At first I felt sorry for him, as he was having a health crisis. But he’s better now, and his pushy behavior really gets to me. He texts her at all hours—and when he can’t get in touch with her, he bugs me. When I refused to go on a trip with him and his husband, he guilt-tripped me for weeks. He constantly wants us to come to his house, but they’re chain-smokers. I’m going to Los Angeles to interview a celebrity for a project, and now he’s trying to insert himself into this trip because he wants go starfucking! He also wants to officiate at our upcoming wedding! My partner won’t stand up for me when I say no to this guy. How can I get my partner to listen to me or get her jackass friend to leave me be? —Can’t Think of a Clever Acronym
A: Emmy Award-winning actress Sarah Paulson is 43 years old and Emmy Award-winning actress Holland Taylor is 75—and Sarah and Holland have been girlfriends for almost three years. Emmy Award-winning talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres is 60 years old and Screen Actors Guild Award-winning actress Portia de Rossi is 45 years old—and Ellen and Portia have been together for 13 years and married for almost ten. There are lots of non-Emmy/SAG Award-winning lesbians out there in relationships with significant age gaps—and at least one lesbian in Alabama who desperately wants to be in one. So don’t let the lack of older women on dating apps prevent you from putting yourself out there on apps and elsewhere, ELDER. As for your rookie status, there are two examples of lesbians pining over rookies in this very column!
