Q: My wife asked me to write to you about our situation. We’ve been married for fifteen years. I am 50 years old and my wife is a decade younger. We are a heterosexual couple with kids. I am a submissive male and I like to play with my ass using different sized dildos. I enormously enjoy being penetrated with sex toys. A few years ago I introduced the idea of a FLR—female-led relationship—to my wife and she accepted it. We are a happy couple! My wife is more on the traditional side of sex and I respect that. We have PIV sex twice a week and I try to give her a pleasure as much as I can. Looks like everything is OK, right? But recently she complained that I have stopped ejaculating when we have sex. And it’s true: When we engage in vaginal penetration, I no longer ejaculate. I like it this way because I don’t lose my sex drive and I can continue. But she doesn’t like it. For her my ejaculate is the “cherry on top” of the sex and my coming during sex is important for her pleasure and satisfaction. My wife thinks that I stopped ejaculating because I developed the habit of pleasuring myself with dildos and butt plugs in the shower. My wife thinks the toys are distracting me. Do you think it’s true? If that’s the case, what should we do? I love my wife but I also love my butt plugs and dildos. —Spouse Unpleased By Husband’s Un Blasts
At the very least, SUBHUB, your wife’s pleasure should be your first priority during PIV sex—and it’s not like you can’t combine PIV with a little butt play. You can always shove one of your beloved plugs in your ass before you have PIV sex with the wife. And if you didn’t refrain from ejaculating every single time you had PIV, SUBHUB, if it was something you were allowed to do once in a while with your wife’s permission, she might be willing to accommodate your desire every tenth time you have PIV.
Q: I’m a longtime reader who’s never had a question that your archives couldn’t answer. But there is something I wanted to share with you and your readers! My wife and I have incorporated virtual reality (VR) goggles into our sex life with great success, Dan, and they could be the answer to a range of questions that you get at the column. They’re so useful, in fact, that your failure to mention them is starting to look like a glaring omission! Because let’s say someone writes in who wants to open their relationship or explore a cuckold fantasy (like one of last week’s letter writers!) but they’re worried about the emotions involved, potential STIs, or COVID-19? VR goggles! While the offerings for female POV VR porn is pretty paltry I’ve never seen my wife come harder than she did with me inside her and a pair of goggles on her face giving her the perspective of a man getting fucked by a beautiful trans woman. I love the idea that this turns her on and I actually think she looks hot with goggles on! Besides the cost of a subscription to a VR porn site, the financial barrier is really pretty low—most people can use their smartphone and a $20 headset to get started, which is much cheaper than seeing a sex worker and much less time consuming than engineering a consenting affair. And there’s no risk of STIs or COVID-19! Just wanted you to consider VR as a possibly overlooked tool for your otherwise always-outstanding advice in the future! —Very Recent Purchase Optimizes Reality Nicely
