Q: I just attended the nauseating wedding of my 30-year-old niece to her boyfriend of several years. Both of them seem as gay as possible but they are diehard religious fanatics. I can list 50 signs these two are gay and once you point it out to someone who isn’t a Bible thumper they go, “Yeah, that makes so much sense.” The bride’s father, who was also the minister, praised them for not moving in together before the wedding—another sign. I personally find hetero abstinence until age 30 to be highly suspicious. In fact, refraining from heterosexual intercourse until that age only seems realistic if someone is gay or asexual. Our extended families are all religious blowhards and we’re the only queer-friendly outlet in the family. I want badly to let the newlyweds know it’s OK to question the complexities of sexuality and that we’re here to support them. I fear they’ll live for decades in awkwardness because my niece’s minister father is beyond judgmental and insists love (and marriage) can only exist between one MAN and one WOMAN. Is there any tactful way to ask someone if they’re gay? Or to at least offer support if they are closeted? How do we let them know our little corner of the family will love and support them? I wish someone had asked me when I was trying to figure it out. —Union Not Concealing LGBTQ Energy
P.S. Maybe one day I can take the same brave step my nephew has.
Q: I’m a man. As a teenager I had crushes on women but I was usually too shy to do anything about it. I had a girlfriend for two years and I enjoyed her romantically and sexually. After the relationship ended—and after struggling to find women who were attracted to me—I decided to explore my sexuality. This is when I discovered trans women and became very confused. I am very aroused by them, even more than to cis women, and this is very confusing to me because they were women with very feminine appearances but their genitals were still masculine. At first I thought this was just some passing kink but then I decided to experiment with trans sex workers. I got very aroused and enjoyed these encounters. Does this make me gay? I have never felt anything towards a cis or trans man and can’t picture myself doing anything with one. I have always identified as straight but this makes me think the label doesn’t fit. Also I haven’t told anyone else but my friends think trans women are men and doing anything with them sexually is gay. Are they right? —Complications Implicating Straightness
