Q: Is it terrible to believe you can still have a truly monogamous and loving relationship with one partner after 20 years? Or can we walk into a relationship knowing that within those decades of being together that situations like infidelity or being attracted to another is completely unavoidable? And if we acknowledge that in some cases it’s truly unavoidable, should we mentally prepare ourselves for this possibility during our “monogamous” stage? Early on in dating? —Hopelessly Optimistic Person Enquires
Zooming out for a moment: The culture encourages us to see cheating as a relationship-extinction-level event—an unforgivable betrayal, something no relationship can survive. Which seems nuts when you pause to consider just how common cheating is. Defining cheating as always unforgivable sets up for failure otherwise good and loving relationships that might be able to survive an infidelity.
Q: What is the etiquette for breaking up with an escort you’ve been seeing regularly? A little background: I’m married and have been seeing an escort for the past three years about twice a month. The sex is amazing. We’ve developed a friendship and get along very well. The issue is that I’ve gotten emotionally attached. I constantly think of her and she’s always on my mind. It’s negatively affected my marriage and I need to break it off. I don’t want to hurt her as I have genuine affection but I need to stop seeing her. Do I send a note with an explanation? Or do I ghost and stop sending her text messages? I’m the one who initiates contact. She never reaches out to me first. Thanks for your advice. —It’s Me Not You
Daddy Lance (@LanceNavarro): “Agreed 100%. The majority of us are deeply empathetic and prefer closure over mystery.”
