Q: I’m a straight man in a live-in relationship with a beautiful woman. There are no sparks in bed, and it’s been more than a year since we’ve had sex. She says, “I’m sorry, but I’m just not interested.” Sometimes she asks me if I’m disappointed, and I say something like “I miss sex.” And she says: “Maybe someday. But the important thing is we love each other, right?” Before my last birthday, she asked me what I wanted as a gift. I replied, “A soapy hand job.” That would’ve been the most action I’d had all year. But when my birthday rolled around, all I got was a speech about how she loved me but was not in love with me. My question: In the year 2017, how does a straight man make it clear to the woman he’s with that sex is important to him without coming across as threatening? If I told her I’d leave her unless our sex life improved—and I have certainly thought about this—she’d probably “put out” to save our relationship. She has abandonment issues, and I fear she would be devastated if I left her. I only want to have sex with someone who wants to have sex with me, not someone I’ve coerced. What do I do? I love her, but a sexless relationship isn’t what I want or signed up for. —Sexless Over a Perplexing Year
Q: I am a straight woman who just started fucking a hot, younger male coworker. The sexual tension between us was out of control until we stayed late one night and screwed on my desk. Since that night, we’ve hooked up a few more times. We grope each other in the office daily, as the “fear” of getting caught is a real turn-on for me. The problem—there always is one—is that he has a live-in girlfriend. He told me they are in an open relationship, so being with me isn’t cheating. As per their arrangement, he won’t tell her about me, but if she finds out, he won’t lie. How do I know if he’s telling me the truth or if he’s saying these things so I’ll keep sleeping with him? She comes to work events with him, and I feel guilty because she is sweet and obviously adores him. Also, being coworkers adds another layer of issues. I am a well-liked employee who people consider very professional. He is new to the company and is a bit of a scatterbrain. The sex is amazing in part because he’s too immature for me to consider romantically. I’d love to keep seeing him for sex, but I don’t want to help him hurt someone else. Can I fuck him guilt free? —Not a Heartbreak Helper
