Q: In a frank exchange early in our courtship, I told my girlfriend that I have no kinks. As a faithful reader of Savage Love, I’m obviously not opposed to kinks—but I’ve never had any inclinations in that direction and am probably a typical hetero vanilla. As a result, I’m damn near clueless in that area. Last night, my girlfriend placed my hands around her neck and asked me to choke her. My instant reaction was to say no, not out of any objection in principle but because I thought it might be dangerous in my inexperienced hands. Later I did comply, but I was definitely holding back. I dearly love my main squeeze—clever pun there, huh?—and I want to be GGG, but . . . well, you see my misgivings. I know about safe words, but can we count on them when the recipient’s larynx is being compromised and she may be close to passing out? For the record, I had no difficulty in acceding to her request to be bitten, as I know where and how hard I can do that without causing damage, but choking is an area of darkness for me. And let me note that my girlfriend has no grounding in medicine, physiology, or anything that would lead me to be comfortable trusting her judgment about choking. —Choke Holds Obligate Kink Education
Matisse also noted: “The person doing the choking needs to be aware that they’re on the hook legally—for at least manslaughter charges—if the person who asked to be choked should die. People have gone to jail for this kind of ‘play.’” Jay Wiseman, author of SM 101, not only takes a similarly dim view of choking, CHOKE, he’s served as an expert witness at the trials of people who choked someone to death during sex.
Another option, CHOKE, is a gas mask. If it’s not too disturbing a look—if it’s not a boner killer—you can put a gas mask on someone, cover the breathing hole with the flat of your hand, and cut off your partner’s air. All they have to do when they need a breath is shake their head, which will break the seal created by your palm and allow them to breathe.
PS: And if you can’t get over it? Well, I guess you could issue an ultimatum, HISBUM: “It’s me or Underpants Pervert.” You would essentially be asking your boyfriend to end a successful long-term relationship (seven years)—a relationship of a different sort, yes, but a relationship nonetheless—in favor of a short-term relationship (four months). You’ve already asked your boyfriend to stop seeing this man, and he chose the perverted fag over the controlling girlfriend. If you can’t get over it and you decide to issue that ultimatum, HISBUM, don’t be surprised if he chooses the pervert over you a second time.
A: Thanks for sharing, PANTY. v
