Q: My roommate is a gay man who is into getting fisted. A lot. We were FWBs until he moved into my place, at which point we agreed it would be better for us to not have sex anymore. It’s worked out fine, and he’s been here for a year. Here’s the problem: About two years ago, he got into fisting and he has someone over every night to fist him. As soon as he comes home from work, he spends a good hour in the bathroom cleaning out, and then some guy comes over to fist him. Every single day. My roommate is a very attractive guy who doesn’t think he’s attractive at all. I’ve talked to him a few times about whether he’s being sexually compulsive, but he just laughs and says, “Well, you suck a lot of dick.” (I have a healthy but moderate sex life.) I am concerned that all this ass play is not healthy. As a friend, I want him to seek help for his sexual compulsion, his low self-esteem, and his social isolation. As a roommate, I am tired of all these strange men coming into my home and the high water bill.—Frequent Insertions Sincerely Trouble Someone
“A skilled fisting bottom can voluntarily relax the anal sphincter in order to accommodate a hand up to the wrist or further,” explained Dr. Shalit. “A skilled fisting top knows how to insert their hand—it’s actually fingertips first, not a clenched fist—and how to do it gently, taking their time, and using lots of lube. And, again, after the session is over, the sphincter returns to its normal state.”
And while fisting isn’t for everyone, like Dr. Shalit said, it’s very clearly for your roommate. But enjoying the hell out of a particular sexual activity isn’t by itself evidence of low self-esteem or sexual compulsion.
Dr. Shalit recommends Anal Pleasure & Health by Jack Morin to anyone who wants to learn more about anal intercourse, fisting, and other forms of anal play. “It’s the bible of anal sexuality,” said Dr. Shalit.
