Q: I like water sports, and I heard about a guy in a rural area who holds piss parties in his backyard. I found a mailing list for those interested in piss play, and it wasn’t long before he posted about one of these parties. People on the list talk a big game, but no one else has stepped up to host something, including me. (I would, but four neighbors look onto my backyard.) The host has very simple rules for who can attend: you have to identify as a guy and wear masculine attire. I get to the party, and there were about four guys and the host. I had a good time. The host had plenty of drinks out, towels, chairs, canopies, and candles to ward off the mosquitos. I’ve been back a couple times. Everyone is friendly enough, and there’s the right amount of perversion. So what’s the problem? The host. He’s loud and annoying. He insists on putting classical music on (it doesn’t set the mood very well). He tells the same lame jokes every time he’s pissing on someone. He will complain that people say they’re coming and don’t show. If you’re having a moment with someone, he’ll invariably horn in on the action. Without being rude, I’ve tried to make it clear that we’re not looking for company, but he doesn’t take the hint. It’s his party, and props to him for hosting it—but it takes the fun out of it when the host doesn’t know when to back off. I’ve gotten to the point where it’s not worth the effort to go. Do I just get over it, or say something privately? —Person Exasperates Enthusiast
So why not make your own piss party? You don’t need a big backyard—I mean, presumably your place has a tub. Supplement your tub with a couple of kiddie pools on top of some plastic tarp laid down on the living room or basement floor. Ask your guests to keep it in the tub, pool, or on the tarp. You get to choose the guys, you get to select the music, and, as host, you can lay down the law about making jokes and horning in on the action: Both are forbidden, and joke-telling horner-inners will be asked to pull up their pants and leave.
Q: I’m a cis woman and recently came out as a lesbian after identifying as bisexual for three years. After having sexual encounters with men and women, I finally admitted to myself that I am gay. Now that I’m finally out, I don’t want to do anything that would make me feel like denying it again. My question is, am I a bad lesbian if I sleep with a guy? I’m currently working 50 hours a week and going to school. I don’t have time for a relationship, and finding casual hookups with women is difficult. A male friend I know and trust recently propositioned me. At first I said no, but now I’m rethinking it. Sex with men doesn’t compare at all to sex with women for me. On a scale of one to ten, it’s definitely in the below-five range. But my mind says “It’s still sex!,” and I would enjoy it to a point. Still, I worry that doing this would call my sexuality into question. I feel like I’d definitely have to hide this from my friends. And if I feel guilty enough to hide it, maybe I shouldn’t do it? Finally identifying as a lesbian was like breathing out for me. I feel way more like myself and am way happier now. But I worry that even being willing to consider this makes me seem bi. I guess I’m looking for permission and absolution. Would this make me a “bad” lesbian? Or would it mean I should identify as bi? —Girl Asking You
