Two weeks ago, a longtime reader challenged me to create a new sexual neologism. My two most famous and widely used neologisms—pegging (2001) and santorum (2003)—have been around so long that they’re practically paleologisms at this point. So I accepted the challenge and proposed “with extra lobster,” which sounded like it was a dirty euphemism for something equally awesome. I offered up my own suggested definition—”Someone who sticks their tongue out and licks your balls while they’re deep-throating your cock is giving you a blow job with extra lobster”—and invited readers to send in their own.
I think I have a good candidate for your “with extra lobster” definition! It could be applied to a man who has an exceptionally large and dangling foreskin (“His penis comes with extra lobster!”) or a woman whose labia protrudes (“I love pussy with extra lobster!”).
As a vegan, Dan, I strongly object to “with extra lobster.” It reinforces the speciesist notion that is it permissible to consume lobsters, sentient life forms that feel pain, and associating a sex act with the violence of meat consumption further desensitizes us to acts of sexual violence.
I used to hook up with a cuckold couple with a particularly naughty fetish: I’d fuck the woman, fill her up, and her man would eat it out of her. So, say you hooked up with a woman, let’s call her “Melania,” and her husband, call him “Donald,” ate her pussy after you filled her with come. Donald is eating pussy with extra lobster!
And with that sorted and settled, a bonus neologism to close the column . . .
